i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
