Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
