Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
