My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
