dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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