I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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