I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
