you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
