I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
