We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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