she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
