my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
