Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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