Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You were trust falling into bushes
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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