Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
