dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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