ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
