who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
