I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
