Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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