It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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