Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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