I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
