If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
