I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
