The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
