Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
