I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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