Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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