Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
