Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
