I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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