im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
