I'm gonna have a badass scar
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
