Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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