You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
