nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
