Whod you bang
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
