how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
