I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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