God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
