i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
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I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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