I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
