Can i not drive my cunt home
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
