That's intense
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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