no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
