He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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