So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
