what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
