He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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