It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Of course I have a pirate flag
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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