that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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