Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
