mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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