pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
