Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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