I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
