I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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