we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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