We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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