Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
