I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
