So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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