17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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