Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
