1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
