Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
