And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
