I just saw a hot homeless man
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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