Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
